


Winter Lips

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Seasons, Sick Character, Sickfic, Unknown Illness, We Need More Jilix, jia and rosie cried while reading, winter is a lil sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-04-25 16:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22318033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “when he thought it was okay and no one was looking, his shoulders sagged a little and his face turned into one of utter pain and sadness.”orin which felix is sick and jisung stays by his side.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix
Comments: 9
Kudos: 66





	Winter Lips

It was unexpected. 

He didn’t see it coming. He didn’t think it could ever happen to them, that their happiness could be stolen by anyone or anything, but here they were. On a cold winter morning, sat silently in the plain white room that smelled of chemicals. 

_ Of death _. 

The only sound that existed was of the other boy’s deep, slow breaths. It looked like thousands of thoughts were weighing him down and he was struggling to keep his breathing stable. But the boy didn’t utter a word; he kept to himself as the thick silence blanketed over them, nearly suffocating them both like they were under icy cold water and had no way of resurfacing. The only assurance was the squeezing of hands that occurred every now and then, to let the other know they were still there together.They were both _ alive and breathing_. 

“Lix? Need anything?” The younger boy broke from his trance and looked away from the window where there was nothing but a boring sight of a tree that had lost its leaves a long time ago. A lone tree that looked fragile and weak and almost too unstable to still be standing on its own. He diverted his attention from the tree back to Felix who looked at him with dazed eyes that told a story. One that would come to an end soon but he was holding on.

_ They met under a blossoming tree in spring. Jisung had been left with the responsibility of taking care of his best friend’s dog. At first Jisung was reluctant, he knew how big of a responsibility it was but one glance at Hyunjin’s big, shining eyes was all it took for him to give in and agree. It was only for a few days anyway so it wouldn’t be too bad. _

_ They first met when Kkami suddenly took off in the direction of the blossom trees. Jisung panicked when the leash was suddenly pulled out of his hand, but he ran after the dog knowing how bad the outcome could be if he fell into the hands of the wrong person. He tried to get the small dog’s attention by calling his name out a few times but each attempt turned out to be a failure. He eventually came to see the sight of Kkami in the arms of a boy with hair as bright as the tree that was waving above him. They both looked content, Kkami wagging his tail happily as the pink haired boy scratched him in his favourite spot behind his ear with a faint smile ghosting his face. _

_ “Aren’t you a good boy? Where’s your owner, pup?” Just as he said that Jisung made his presence known as stood in front of them with his hands resting against his knees as if he ran a marathon and needed a break. _

_ “That would be me. I’m his temporary owner.” The pink haired boy’s smile immediately dropped as a frown made its way into his face. And Jisung had to admit, the smile suited the soft boy better. _

_ “Ah. So you’re the irresponsible owner that let his dog loose. Should you even be allowed to take care of a pup? Even if it’s temporary?” Jisung’s eyes widened at the sudden accusations before he tried sputtering out an explanation. _

_ The boy in front of him watched him patiently, an eyebrow raised and a subtle scowl replacing the frown. Judgment in his eyes while his hands soothingly ran through Kkami’s fur. And Jisung had to admit, even with his face showing signs of distaste, the boy in front of him looked cute. _

_ “Well?” Jisung blushed fiercely out of embarrassment and slowly lowered himself onto the ground in front of the latter, looking for any signs of discomfort. When he showed no signs of opposition, Jisung finally sat down, making sure to keep his eyes away from the other’s judgmental ones. _

_ “I promise he doesn’t do this that often. He just gets excited when there’s blossom trees in sight. I guess he loves the soft colour during this time of year, that would maybe explain why he got attached to you so quick.” _

_ Now it was the stranger’s turn to blush, nearly matching the shade of his hair. The two sat in silence as they watched the small dog play with the petals that had already fallen off the branches and were making their way down to the ground. _

_ “Kkami,” he watched as the latter’s serene expression morphed into one of confusion. _

_ “I don’t remember asking for your name.” Jisung burst out into laughter, unable to control his giggles at the thought of being named Kkami. _

_ “No no. I meant the little guy over here. His name is Kkami.” He watched as the stranger’s face came to a realisation and started laughing as well. In the second, Jisung was sure he had his heart captured by the smaller boy in front of him. He watched as the latter continued giggling quietly to himself, trying to calm down. _

_ “Oh, I’m sorry.” _

_ A few seconds of silence passed. _

_ “Well... won’t you ask for my name?” _

_ Another few seconds passed. Contemplation washing over the pastel haired boy’s features. _

_ “No.” _

“I’m alright. You can go out for a bit if you want, Ji. I know how overwhelming it can get.” Jisung nodded, quickly kissing his lover’s cheek before getting up from his seat. He placed a hand over Felix’s head, taking note of the soft feel to it. He then let his hand drop before giving the bed-ridden boy a soft kiss on his forehead.

“I’ll be back soon.”

_ Jisung and Felix started going out in summer. Their friends were more than overjoyed when they heard the news. They went months listening to both boys as they complained their ears off about wanting to be with the other. Minho and Hyunjin told Jisung countless times to ask Felix out. To get it over with and live happily ever after with all the pets they wanted to adopt. Jisung made many attempts of course. Majority of them were failed attempts of Jisung beginning the plan only to chicken out last minute. _

_ He finally worked up the courage one day when Felix was over at his house. His parents were out for the night and he didn’t want to be alone so he invited him over. Felix agreed, no questions asked, mainly justifying himself by claiming he had nothing to do at home anyway. _

_ Neither of the boys knew how it happened. One moment they were watching a bad movie and making funny commentary to liven it up, and the next moment Jisung’s fingers were mercilessly attacking Felix’s sides. Both boys ended up tumbling off the couch but that didn’t bother them. Jisung continued tickling the younger’s sides despite his pleas to stop. _

_ When the boys finally took in the extremity of the situation (Jisung straddling Felix, and Felix’s hands on Jisung’s waist when he was trying to push him off with no avail), Jisung subconsciously leaned forward. _

_ “Damn, Ji. Ask a boy out on a date before taking his lip virginity, why don’t ya?” Jisung flushed when he realised what he was about to do and groaned, playfully brushing off his embarrassment. _

_ “Way to ruin the mood. But I do want that kiss, so wanna go on a date with me?” Felix grinned and Jisung swore he felt his stomach do twirls at the sight just as it did when he first met him at the park. _

_ They kept it from their friends at first. Felix wanted to properly adjust to the idea of dating before letting anyone know and Jisung was more than happy to keep it a secret for the time being; anything to make sure Felix was comfortable. _

_ It went on like that for a few weeks, subtle glances at one another, sly winks whenever one mentioned something that hinted at their relationship, but none of their friends caught on. Cuddles were normal for the pair so no one bothered commenting on how much touchier they had been, after all, both boys were known for how much skinship they liked to initiate. _

_ To say the least, their friends were shocked only for a brief second before making as much noise seven boys could possibly make. _

_ Jisung and Felix had been the happiest they could ever be; their eyes were shimmering with so much life and happiness, no one would think anything could possibly go wrong. Their smiles were brighter than the sun, brightening the room with how wide they were. _

_ Both looked at each other with an expression that only held fondness for one another, their fingers were tightly intertwined as their hearts hammered against their chest, still calming down from the excitement and adrenaline. _

_ At first they didn’t notice when their friends left them in the living room on their own but when they finally came to a realisation, they immediately fell into each other’s arms. Jisung had his arms securely around the one boy that made his days warm and filled with nothing short of contentment. _

_ He left gentle kisses on the light freckles that dusted his lover’s cheeks as he listened to him let out short giggles, mumbling out complaints of it tickling but making no attempt to stop him. _

_ Eventually he stopped messing about and placed a kiss on Felix’s lips to quieten him down. He had only moved away for a second before the younger of the pair placed his hands on the latter’s cheeks and pulled him in for another kiss. This one lasting longer than the previous one. All their emotions were evident in the single kiss, and without needing to mutter any words, they both were aware of what the other was trying to say. _

Jisung sighed as he walked through the hallways back from the cafeteria where he grabbed a cup of coffee from for himself. He had been awake all day and night simply sitting besides Felix and keeping him company because he was unable to fall asleep. Too many thoughts were racing through his mind, too many questions of what could’ve happened if he still had more time, would he and Jisung still be together and adopting pets like they once promised? 

Jisung tried being as supportive as he could, trying to assist whenever he could and holding his hand to provide reassurance. But they were only empty promises; he knew they didn’t have much time left but he wanted to stay positive for Felix despite his current condition.

Once he entered the room they had been in for the past few weeks (Felix had gotten too sick one night and he had to bring him to the hospital), he saw Felix had gone back to staring outside, specifically at the tree. 

It was upsetting to think how this had almost become a second home to Felix. All the nurses knew his name because of how he would go around and talk to others when he had a sudden burst of energy. They knew Jisung by association, and so whenever they saw him in the hallway they’d give him a soft sympathetic smile. 

And it angered him slightly. 

He didn’t want sympathy, he wanted his Felix to be okay again. To be the ball of energy he once was when they first met. To be able to walk on his own again without feeling too tired from just being up on his feet for a few hours. 

But that wasn’t the case anymore. Felix only had enough energy to go on one walk in the mornings, and some days he had enough to still greet the nurses at night. He wasn’t as giggly as he used to be, he tried for everyone; he put up a facade. But when he thought it was okay and no one was looking, his shoulders sagged a little and his face turned into one of utter pain and sadness. His eyes no longer shone bright like they used to, barely filled with life but still enough to hold on. 

“Hey Lix, I’m back.”

_ It was in the middle of autumn when Jisung first found out. He was sure Felix didn’t mean to reveal it. But it was inevitable; he didn’t hear the door close when Jisung came in. He was in the bathroom when the older boy first found him, hunched over with his hand gripping onto the sink as if it was the only thing keeping him up. Jisung immediately ran towards the younger boy and caught him before he could reach the ground. Somehow Felix still hadn’t caught on that the older male was there with him. He kept his eyes shut, trying to ignore whatever it was that was causing him an immense amount of pain, ultimately ignoring Jisung’s desperate calls to open his eyes. _

_ He noticed the way Felix’s hair stuck to his forehead with sweat and lifted up a hand to brush it back. He hissed quietly under his breath, even more worry washing over him as he picked up on the burning temperature that the younger boy had. _

_ “Lix? How long have you been feeling this way, bub?” The said boy opened his eyes slightly, just enough for Jisung to be sure that he was still awake before he smiled a little. _

_ “I guess I couldn’t hide it from you any longer, huh?” _

_ Jisung wasn’t sure what that meant. Hoped dearly that Felix didn’t mean what he thought he was implying. Hoped he was just referring to the fever he had worked up. _

_ “Let’s get you into something else yeah? Wearing a thick sweater will only make you feel hotter,” _

_ Felix let out a short chuckle before responding, “But Ji, I’m always hot.” _

_ Jisung laughed for a brief second when he heard the comment as he guided Felix out to his room and put him under his blanket. He watched as Felix shivered slightly and pulled the blanket closer to himself. _

_ “Lix, are you okay?” _

_ It was deadly quiet for some time. Felix looked disconnected from the world before sighing and looking back at Jisung. _

_ “I’m sick.” _

_ And from the way Felix could barely keep his eyes open, his lips were slightly parted as jagged breaths through them and how his face contorted with pain every few seconds, Jisung knew this wasn’t just any harmless sickness. _

Felix looked over at him and smiled, reaching a hand out for his lover. If anyone focused solely on the frail boy’s hand, they’d notice how much it shook. They'd see the way his skin was becoming dangerously pale and how his veins looked much more visible. 

He studied Felix’s face. Skin as pale as the walls, almost lighter than his sheets that covered most of his body. His freckles that he loved talking about and kissing looked much more prominent, those being the only thing that provided his face with any sort of colour. 

He walked over to the younger’s side and slid his hand into the other’s before he placed a chaste kiss on the latter’s lips. His lips that were once full of colour and plump now looked cracked in places and almost blue. He placed his coffee on the table beside them and used the now free hand to gently caress his lover’s cheek. He watched as the other leaned into the touch and let out a sigh of content, relishing the warm hand belonging to Jisung. 

“How are you feeling?” Felix leaned back a little and thought about his answer. Jisung waited patiently, using his other hand to rub his thumb across the back of Felix’s hand.

“Tired.”

Jisung nodded and leaned forward to leave a soft kiss on the latter’s forehead. He let his lips linger there for a while before taking a step back to study his boyfriend’s face, a smile gracing his lips as he took in the beauty that Felix still radiated.

“Sleep, I’m here with you.”

_ Winter was when it started getting worse and much more obvious. Their friends began noticing the significant difference in Felix’s behaviour since Spring but questioned none of it in hopes of him approaching the topic first. _

_ Jisung kept it a secret because Felix didn’t want to tell them yet, and it wasn’t his place to tell so he didn’t mention anything about it. _

_ Time passed and Jisung realised that the younger boy wasn’t going to really tell them. He would change the topic as soon as it seemed like they were about to talk about it and brush it off as nothing. _

_ It was too late though. _

_ None of them needed to be told by Felix because they finally found out when they all suddenly received a text about Felix being in the hospital. They all rushed to the address that Jisung provided them with in the morning. _

_ When they got there they found Felix lying in one of the hospital beds, wires were attached to his arms and he almost didn’t look like the Felix they knew. He looked tired and melancholic but he still tried to keep a positive attitude to everything. _

_ “Oh hey. Fancy seeing you guys here, if you had told me earlier, I would’ve looked a little more presentable,” his voice was a little hoarse but nonetheless he kept his optimistic tone, “don’t look at me like that. I’m fine. Just a little sick.” _

_ The boys had a mutual agreement to keep Felix’s mood high and soaring. Even on a dull day of winter when nothing felt lively and hen everything was dark and gloomy and the clouds were constantly covering the sun, they were sure to make Felix laugh and forget about his current situation. _

_ None of their friends knew though. They didn’t know that Felix only had a month left. Until the end of December, maybe beginning of January. Only Felix’s parents and Jisung were aware of it. And Jisung wanted to cry so hard when he first heard, wanted to hold Felix in his arms as if that would keep him alive. He wanted to curse at someone or something for doing this to his Felix. Felix, who always made sure all his friends were happy. Felix, who always made sure to give Minho’s, Hyunjin’s and Chan’s pets treats whenever he could. Felix, who always put his parent’s feelings in front of his and tried to be the best son he could be. _

_ It wasn’t fair that death caught up to Felix first, but there was nothing Jisung could do. _

_ The most he could do was stay by Felix’s side and be there for him whenever he could. _

_ Weeks passed since Felix was first admitted to the hospital, and the younger boy’s parents tried to get Jisung to go home but the boy would only leave to take a shower and wear a new pair of clothes before he was back by Felix’s side again. _

“Sungie? You know I love you right? So much.” He could hear the way Felix was struggling to speak. His breathing was slow and deep, he sounded like he was having difficulties speaking. He held Felix’s smaller hand and lifted it up to his lips to kiss the fingertips. They felt cold against his lips, like it was the winter snow that he was kissing rather than the warm sun of summer that he once knew. 

“I love you too, bub. So so much.” 

With that, Felix smiled once more before closing his eyes to sleep. Jisung sat next to him and swept his hair away from his eyes before falling asleep shortly after, hand securely around Felix’s. 

***

The next time he woke up was by the sudden panicked loud beeping that was coming from the heart monitor and his eyes immediately fell on Felix who seemed to be sleeping peacefully. 

“Hey Lix. You need to wake up, love. Please. You have to wake up!” 

Jisung pressed the button above his partner’s bed several times before a few doctors and nurses rushed in, pushing him out of the room. 

He couldn’t understand what was happening. They were fine just a few hours ago but now there was a wave of hysteria drowning the entire room. He couldn’t wrap his head around the way the doctors were working in a frantic state to get Felix’s heart rate steady again. His eyes couldn’t focus as he watched Felix’s body failing him.

But it was useless. His heart monitor showed a flatline and he knew it was over. 

He felt tears rapidly fall down his eyes as he stumbled back into a chair. No one was there to comfort him. No one knew. Felix’s parents had gone home to grab him something he wanted. His friends were at home or were working and it was just Jisung here. 

He glanced at the window that showcased the lone tree that Felix loved watching and noticed as the last leaf fell off it’s branch and made its way to the ground. He looked back at the closed doors to his lover’s room and waited for some sort of miracle to happen but to no avail. He sighed and clenched his fists as he tried to keep his cries in.

It was unexpected.

He didn’t see it coming. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are much appreciated !! 
> 
> Come shout at me on twitter: [twt](https://twitter.com/binniehrs)


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